You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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