dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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