I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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