So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
