Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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