hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
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Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
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The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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