Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
