she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
