Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
