Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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