That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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