So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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