better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
