I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
