dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize