And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
