girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
