No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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