Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
