...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Someone shattered a urinal.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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