you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
This is the high leading the old right now
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
