i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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