having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
