Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
