I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
