So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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