Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
