With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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