Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
