Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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