I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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