I think I died a long time ago.
they need to just BURY HIM!
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
