Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
