he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
