my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
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If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
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She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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