I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a squirter
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize