Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
