If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
false alarm. still invincible.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
