i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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