cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He felt like a one man threesome
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
