You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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