alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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