The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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