Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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