Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
