in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Randomize
