This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
