Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
