If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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