Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
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He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
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MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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