Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
