Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
