I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
