All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
