You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
