Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
you had me at cake vodka
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
