I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize