remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
