My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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