I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
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That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
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So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My bed smells like the plague
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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