I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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