yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
