he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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