dude i'm inner monologue high
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
