Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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