I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
