it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
