Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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