I think I died a long time ago.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
