My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
