He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
The uberlube is also flammable
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
