just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
