at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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