my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
